at the conjunction

In The Name of Allah The Most Gracious The Most Merciful.

i just hate the situation when i have to choose.
ya Allah, please please please show me what is the best.
i love what i did now.
i love my new friends now.
it had been a year since i registered there.
through all ups and downs together with them.
even though sometimes i being too sensitive.
felt like enduring hard time all by myself without any buddies around.
but they were always there.
my name was mentioned in their du'as.
subhanallah allahu akbar !

i want to be a hamalatul Quran biiznillah
just like mum n dad always told me
the title 'hafizah' had been their aim for me
yes i want it too,
but i just dont know myself
i dont know whether i can take care of it or not
i dont know whether i can face the circumstances or not
i dont even know whether i can stay there sincerely or not
too many weaknesses ive got, sins ive did
sometimes it lowered my self-esteem

yes, memorizing the holy Al-Quran is the best way of life
the fact that none can denied
however with all the sins ive done
is there still a room for me to really take care of it
is there still a chance for me to masyi all the verses i'd memorized
i know, Allah will never let me go astray
he will always show me the way
as long as i believed in myself and keep going
ya Allah, i only have another 18 days to decide
please ya Allah, do hear me
do look at me, do forgive me for all the sins ive did
show me what is the best for me ya Allah
u're the Only One i could ask for.